When Silence Was Taught to Us

I had the scream.

It sat in my chest like a thing waiting to be polite. It surfaced during family dinners when I tried to voice my needs but was told to be grateful instead. It echoed in classrooms where curious children were silenced. It grew louder while watching TV clips of young women being measured and told to fit a mould. This scream became a familiar companion, reminding me of the times I felt unheard and diminished. Then I picked up ROAR! by Marilise de Villiers Basson.

What does it mean that we learn to quiet ourselves so early? Who taught us that being small is safer? This book poses these questions directly, refusing to soften the blow. It points to the voice inside and demands that it be named. Once that voice is acknowledged, it becomes possible to stop agreeing with it. But how many of us are willing to confront that inner critic?

Confronting the Inner Critic

The book identifies the inner critic as a bully. Whose voice is it really? Is it a parent who said, “Be polite at all costs”? A coach who praised toughness and punished vulnerability? A culture that applauds endurance while calling rest weakness? When you trace that voice back, you often find it was handed down, rehearsed until it felt like the truth.

Take, for example, a professional who hesitated to pursue a promotion. They felt guilty for wanting more. Why do we feel guilty for wanting more? Who benefits from our silence? Naming that voice changed the conversation. They stopped making excuses in meetings and began asserting their needs. This is the work that the first book encourages—naming and refusing to carry what was never yours.

The Rhythm of MOAR

Now let’s explore the next phase of this journey with MOAR! This concept is not just another scream; it represents the rhythm that follows. It provides a framework for what comes next: Map. Open. Act. Rise. These steps are not tidy solutions; they are experiments to be tried repeatedly.

What does this look like in everyday life? It is the nurse who sets aside one night a week for self-care, fiercely protecting that time. It is the teacher who stops answering emails after 7 p.m. and prioritises their mental health. It is the colleague who says, “I cannot take on that extra shift” and means it. This approach is about building patterns that prevent burnout.

Navigating Real-Life Struggles

Many people follow the advice of self-help books, eating well and exercising, yet still feel hollow. A friend might share their experience of feeling drained despite ticking all the boxes. This book reframes that narrative, asserting that energy is not a moral failing but a resource that deserves respect.

Who benefits when individuals stay small? Who profits from silence? Why do we teach some to be grateful for crumbs while others are taught to take the table? These questions are crucial. When someone is told to be grateful for a seat at the table, what are they really being asked to give up? When a culture praises hustle and then wonders why burnout is rampant, who is being protected by that praise? These books challenge readers to confront uncomfortable truths.

Taking Action

Here are some practical steps to consider. These are not prescriptions; they are small experiments to try this week:

• Map one area where you feel you shrink. Write it down in one sentence. Keep it private if necessary.

• Open by naming the exact phrase the inner bully says to you. Say it out loud once and notice how it feels.

• Act by setting one small boundary. Inform someone that you will not respond to work messages after a certain time and stick to it.

• Rise by scheduling one non-negotiable rest period. Protect it like an important appointment.

These steps are partial and may feel messy. That is the point. This journey is about practice, not perfection.

What Resonates

The straightforward claim that the voice inside is not reality deserves careful consideration. It changes how one views every apology made and how they listen to those around them who feel the need to apologise for wanting more.

Think of the people around you navigating pressures they rarely name — the friend stretched by rising costs, the parent absorbing daily uncertainty, the colleague carrying quiet exhaustion. These books don’t fix those realities, but they give language to the emotional weight beneath them. They make what we carry visible.

Embracing Dignity

This journey is not about vanity; it is about dignity. It is about walking into a room without shrinking. It is about enjoying a meal without guilt. It is about speaking without rehearsing an apology. It is about resting without feeling shame.

Stop tolerating what makes you smaller. This is not merely a slogan; it is a practice. It is a question to keep asking until the answer transforms how you live.

These two books matter because they empower individuals to name their screams and learn to live with the rhythms that follow. They invite everyone to engage with their journey and carry that message into every conversation.

You are not a victim; you are an authority in your own life.