South African actress and model Pearl Thusi has faced criticism following her speech at DJ Warras’ memorial service last week.
Her remarks went viral after she shared a personal story about sharing a hotel room with the late DJ.
Thusi recounted a time after a show in Cape Town when she and Warras shared a hotel room to ensure that he would not miss an early flight.
She said that he insisted, “We are going to put down pillows [between us] and said, ‘I just need a cuddle.’” She presented the moment as a platonic, sibling-like demonstration of trust.
The story sparked immediate backlash online. Social media users expressed that the anecdote was inappropriate for a memorial service, too intimate and potentially disrespectful to Warras’ family, including the mother of his children, who attended.
Critics accused Thusi of centralising herself instead of the person being memorialised.
The incident reignited discussions about the etiquette of public speaking at gatherings.
Communications strategist Luphumlo Ngcayisa shared guidance on how to deliver speeches at weddings, funerals and other events.
“When you are invited to speak, more often than not, you are chosen to represent friends, family or work colleagues and the collective experience of the person being celebrated. Your task is not to tell your story, but to articulate what those you are tasked to represent feel,” he said.
“Personal anecdotes, if you must, at least share one that would serve to reflect the collective truth resonant with everyone. The fact that the person once lent you money, bought you Viagra or Triphasil, helped you in a crisis or showed you kindness is not the point.
“The point is their character. Frame such moments as evidence of a generosity that many in the room have benefited from, not as a spotlight on yourself,” he added.
Ngcayisa advised, “Resist the temptation to centre yourself. This moment is not about your proximity, your history or your sacrifices. It is about honouring the person in a way that feels shared, balanced and dignified.”
He also cautioned on humour, saying, “If you intend to be humorous, exercise restraint. Take a brief mental scan of the room. Ask yourself: Who might misunderstand this? Who might feel exposed or diminished? Who might be hurt rather than amused?”
He concluded with a note on wisdom and brevity: “Wisdom in public speaking is not saying everything you can say, but knowing what should not be said. Practise self-restraint and keep it short and sweet. Class dismissed and goodnight.”
Sol Phenduka responded to Ngcayisa’s post with a quote tweet, writing, “Pearls of wisdom.” The comment thread quickly filled with laughing emojis and humorous responses.
Phenduka has built a reputation for delivering pointed commentary on celebrities, often sparking debate and controversy.
Many interpreted his response as a subtle critique of Thusi’s speech and the attention it received online.
