Understanding the second shift: The mental load of unpaid work for women

For many women, the working day does not end when they leave the office, close their laptop or finish their shift.

Instead, another shift begins at home.

There are meals to prepare, children to care for, laundry to fold, groceries to buy, bills to remember and appointments to arrange. Even when these tasks are shared, women often find themselves carrying the mental responsibility of remembering what needs to be done and when.

This unpaid work is often described as the “invisible workload” because, unlike paid employment, it rarely comes with a salary, a job title or formal recognition.

Yet it can consume hours of a woman’s week.

More than just housework

The invisible workload is not limited to cleaning and cooking.

It includes remembering that a child needs new school shoes, checking whether there is enough food for the week, booking a doctor’s appointment, planning a family birthday, monitoring school messages and making sure household essentials do not run out.

It is the constant mental checklist that can be difficult to switch off.

A woman may be sitting on the couch after dinner, but her mind could still be racing through tomorrow’s responsibilities.

Did the children pack their school bags?

Is there enough money for the electricity?

Who is collecting the children tomorrow?

What will everyone eat for dinner?

When the responsibility for these decisions repeatedly falls on one person, the result can be exhaustion, frustration and resentment.

When both partners work

One of the biggest challenges is that women can find themselves working two jobs: one that is paid and another that is not.

A woman may spend eight hours at work before returning home to cook, clean and care for her family.

Her partner may help with some household tasks, but there is an important distinction between helping and sharing responsibility.

If one person has to ask the other to wash the dishes, pack the children’s lunches or buy groceries, that person may still be carrying the mental responsibility for running the household.

True equality means that both partners recognise what needs to be done — rather than one person acting as the household manager and the other waiting for instructions.

The pressure to be the ‘perfect’ woman

Women are also often confronted with expectations about what a good partner, mother or daughter should be.

They may feel pressure to keep a clean home, prepare healthy meals, care for children, maintain relationships with relatives and perform well at work.

Social media can add another layer to these expectations.

Images of spotless homes, elaborate meals and seemingly organised families can create the impression that women should be able to manage everything effortlessly.

But behind the polished photographs can be women who are exhausted.

The expectation to “do it all” can make asking for help feel like failure, when in reality, sharing responsibilities is essential.

The cost of unpaid work

Unpaid domestic and care work has real value, even though it is rarely reflected in household finances.

Cooking, cleaning, childcare and caring for relatives allow families and communities to function.

Yet because this labour is often unpaid, it can be overlooked.

For women who reduce their working hours or leave employment to care for children or relatives, there can also be longer-term financial consequences.

Less time in paid employment can mean lower earnings, fewer opportunities for career progression and reduced retirement savings.

The consequences can therefore extend far beyond a few extra hours spent cleaning the house.

So, how can families share the load?

The first step is to stop thinking about household responsibilities as a favour one person does for another.

Running a household is a shared responsibility.

Couples can start by writing down everything that needs to be done, including the tasks that are usually forgotten.

Instead of simply dividing chores, they can divide ownership of responsibilities.

One person might take full responsibility for the children’s school arrangements, while the other manages grocery shopping and household supplies.

The aim is not necessarily to split every task exactly 50/50, but to ensure that one person is not carrying the majority of the physical and mental workload.

Children can also be taught to contribute to household responsibilities from an early age.

Simple tasks such as tidying their rooms, washing dishes or helping with laundry can teach them that maintaining a home is everyone’s responsibility.

Making the invisible visible

Women should not have to reach breaking point before their workload is taken seriously.

The unpaid work performed in homes is still work.

Recognising it is the first step towards changing how families divide responsibilities.

This Women’s Month, the conversation should therefore go beyond celebrating women’s achievements.

It should also ask a difficult question: Who is making sure the woman who takes care of everyone else is being taken care of too?

Because sometimes equality does not mean offering a woman a helping hand.

It means putting down the assumption that the responsibility was hers to carry in the first place.

IOL