Richard Hardimans Lockdown Diaries

Dear Diary Haven't slept. Lay awake from 3am worrying about the missing Easter Eggs, how to replace them while simultaneously googling "how to become Jewish in 13 days". Desperate times. Report 5: Day 4 Alcohol units: 55 Showers: 2 Facial hair: Jake Gyllenhaal (Rugged bordering on unkempt) Jogs: 0 Cat: 0 Dog: 1 Wife: 1 Kids alive: 3 Potatoes: 25 Father-in-laws: 1 Easter Eggs: Not enough My thinking on the […]

Report 4: Day 3 Alcohol units: 49 Showers: 1 Facial hair: Rugged Jogs: 0 Cat: 0 Kids alive: 3 Potatoes: 5 Father-in-laws: 1 Dear Diary, cant say that day 3 under lockdown was a boring one. Raymond the cat remains MIA. One of the kids thought he heard meowing earlier when they were playing in the garden, but given we live in Pinelands which is inhabited by more octogenarian feline […]

Report 3: Day 2 Alcohol units: 38 Showers: 1 Jogs: 0 Kids alive: 3 Missing cat: 1 Dear Diary, what a time to be alive. Woke up early to take part in this new online workout craze...its to get fit while we are on lockdown. Basically you are supposed to pull on your best gym kit, take selfies, share it "on the gram" and then log onto JEFF Together and […]

Report 2 Day 1 Alcohol units: 18 Showers: 0 Jogs: 0 Kids alive: 3 We are living in interesting times - the herd is restless. It started with a 3 way argument between the litter. Raised voices as 2 were adamant that if you own a car in Xbox Forza Horizon (won or bought, an important element in the defenses case) then that was your car for life; no one […]

Report 1: Night 1 Alcohol units: 07 Showers: 0 Jogs: 0 Kids alive: 3 We survived last night, although the sudden urge to go for a run at 3am woke us up, we resisted. Instead we dusted off and donned the gym kit that neither my wife nor I had used for the last 3 years, sat at the table and lamented that fact that although we didn’t normally go […]